I have been waiting for 23 years, 3 months, and 21 days.
Well, maybe "wait" isn't the right word.
I received my adoption file from South Korea back in October 2010. The file that I actually did indeed WAIT for. In fact, I patiently waited almost an entire year to further learn about my story, the circumstances surrounding my adoption, and the biggie... my birth parents' contact information. And guess what? I got it all. And now? I have made zero progress.
Am I scared?
Absolutely not. I grew up very comfortable and happy with my adoption. In fact, I cannot recall a single memory of feeling sorrow, resent or confusion. As a child of course, that all went out the window when I grew angry at my mother and threatened to go back to Korea where I'd be welcomed home as a Princess. However, that was a rare occasion. I was raised in a very loving family with two older brothers (who are my parents' biological sons). My parents wanted to have a little girl and gambling with 50/50 odds was not an option for my mother, who dreamed of pink, bows, and dance classes. It was at that time, when my oldest brother was 16, the middle brother 10, that my parents chose to adopt. And fortunately for me, the almighty powers of the universe lined us up. I have been beyond blessed to have such a wonderful, nurturing family. Maybe that's the reason for my admittedly lackadaisical attitude towards the search for my birth parents.
Must just be procrastination then.
I've never been much of a procrastinator. I've always stayed on top of my weekly "To-Do's." However, I am getting married in mid-November this year. My inner bridezilla has taken over and keeps me occupied during most of my personal, free time. Wedding or no wedding, I cannot figure out why I have not taken the next step. Just bring the papers to get notarized and mail them to the adoption agency (I even filled them out). That simple. The (optional) letter to my birthparents obviously requires a little more thought, as well as the ten pictures I am allowed to summarize my life. However, in order to proceed with the process, I simply need to be entered into the Voluntary Adoption Registry and fill out a form that will enable the BIG SEARCH to begin.
My New Years Resolution this year was to do as much as a possibly could to find my birthparents. I have always been curious to learn who I look like... My biological mother? Father? Grandmother? Who has my obnoxious little OCD spurts and control issues? Who else was good at math? (Although the odds of finding this out are rather slim... as we all know that ALL Asians are good at math) Who has my handwriting and other ten thousand quirks? Or will the never-ending Nature vs. Nurture debate be addressed? Am I more like my parents today than I ever realized or wanted to admit?
Well that Resolution was put to a dramatic test. My fiance, Jorge proposed on NYE at midnight. And now, I have lost half of this year to weddings, work and dreaming of the rest of our lives together. Is it acceptable to have a July Resolution? If so, you know mine.
